Commentary: Tortured Lies

I just came across this post comparing our President's tortured definition of "torture" to Bill Clinton's infamous semanticist's exercise on the word "is" during the Monica Lewinsky fiasco. Frankly, I find the blogger (Andrew Sullivan) insulting, for while there was no doubt that ex-President Clinton did indeed have "sexual relations" with that woman, there is, in fact, an honest debate over what, exactly, torture includes. For example, I find the sounds of people like 50 cent and Justin Timberlake torturous, yet millions of people worldwide would disagree. I also hate to be tickled, while others enjoy it. So it is true with physical torture, and implying that the leader of the free world is a liar in the way Bill Clinton lied does our President and the country a great disservice. Sure, plenty of people may think that waterboarding (where the prisoner is bound to an inclined board with cellophane wrapped around their head while water is poured over them) -- which according to our President is not torture -- pretty horrific, but swimmers, I imagine, probably enjoy it or could at least use it as a training technique. And this entire debate over what torture includes neglects the debate that we really ought to still be having -- should torture of terrorists be allowed? I, for one, think it should, and my absolute correctness is proved by episodes of "24", where Jack Bauer has saved, over the last five seasons, millions of American lives by torturing various people. For all those people complaining, did they not see that episode where Bauer dragged a terrorist into his car and broke his fingers to get incredibly valuable information? Or how about the one where he threatened to carve out one of President Logan's top staff member's eyes? Obviously, torture is a very effective technique, and as long as it's not being used on you or me (a.k.a. the innocent), it should be a well-worn tool in the War on Terror. For some, I know, torture raises very important questions about American "values." But these peoples' concerns are misplaced. American values are about the pursuit of happiness, protecting the innocent, and a lack of interference from the government. And secondarily, American values are reflected in the television shows and movies we watch, which means, given the popularity of "24" and rise of Jack Bauer as a cultural icon, Americans value the use of torture, despite what a few elitists on the left may think.